It has occurred to me many times that I have a serious deficit of knowledge when it comes to mainstream music. If asked to name a Taylor Swift song, despite the fact that I have heard her name and seen her face numerous times, I'd be hard pressed. In an effort to try and figure out what the hell people are talking about when they mention Lady Gaga, I have decided to dedicate myself to an evening of watching The Grammys. Here's what I have learned.- Lady Gaga, who may or may not be a robot, sings an Elton John song with dirt all over her face and hair as the opening number. Lady Gaga is kind of awesome.
-Stephen Colbert tries to make stars laugh by making fun of them. This is clearly not going to work and the look Jay Z just gave you is terrifying. Please be careful Stephen.
-Wow Green Day. Wow. Singing with a Broadway ensemble at The Grammys. You are still so punk rock.
-Beyonce walks out dressed up like she's in the military and ends up singing an Alanis Morrisette song. Totally logical.
- Pink walks out dressed like a monk and ends up soaking wet and naked, hanging from the rafters by a twisted bed sheet. Totally logical
-Already I've heard enough about Beyonce, Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga to last me a lifetime. Seriously, you just know Taylor Swift is in some animal sacrificing, blood-drinking cult in her free time.
- will. i. am of The Black Eyed Peas just welcomed me to the future. If the future is going to be dominated with soulless pop music like the performance they just put on I opt for the Bladerunner, 12 Monkeys, Children of Men distopian future instead.
-All the country music acts sound identical to the pop acts. The only difference I can discern between the two is that the country music guys still have 1990's style spiky hair.
-Best comedy album? Awesome! Weird Al is a nominee? Double awesome! Stephen Colbert wins and thanks Jesus for having a great birthday. That seems like a fitting place to stop watching.
I tried. Happy birthday Jesus!
-Travis Hare
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